Is fellatio fun or filthy?
It depends on whether the penis holder has recently showered and the mouth holder enjoys strong, ripe smells reminiscent of a cheese shop.
Then again, a pungent penis can also be weather-related. Unless the penis has done away with underwear, the family jewels will inevitably end up perspiring.
In Britain, this phenomenon is known in male parlance as “Betty Swallocks.”
Anything that dangles and involves body creases and layers of clothing doesn’t take kindly to weather changes. For example, heat waves can cause rashes and irritation, something many boob holders are also familiar with.
When the spontaneous urge to shed clothes strikes, this can make for a smelly surprise. It may be followed by reluctance to proceed with fellatio lest the mouth holder should end up with, well, penis breath.
And yet, this doesn’t make this sex act filthy.
It just means penis holders keen on receiving oral stimulation may need to pay extra attention to hygiene during summer months.
There’s a reason bathroom sinks are all at crotch level, folks.
You’ve given your junk a lather and a rinse, what now?
Make sure there’s no foam left as no one wants to suck on hand soap or shower gel; in short, there shouldn’t be bubbles coming out of your partner’s mouth.
Unless that’s your thing, in which case please use gentle personal care products that don’t contain anything you wouldn’t eat.
And before you go any further, why not give your partner a kiss for equality’s sake?
Much as it isn’t necessarily fun for the mouth holder to be on the receiving end of a malodorous member, a mouth reeking of, say, garlic may be a little off-putting.
Or not, as the case may be.
Garlic, the ketchup of intellectuals, is a well-known aphrodisiac and common to many cuisines. Whether you want your body parts to smell of it however is up to you.
Experimenting with foods during sex can be exciting, too. Beware of seasoning the penis like a hot-dog though; mustard stings and sauerkraut can get caught in pubes.
Most importantly, you might forget you’re not supposed to chew.
You’ve flossed, brushed, and scraped your tongue, what now?
The mouth smells like a dentist’s office and the penis smells like the personal hygiene aisle at the grocery store.
Is that sexy?
Well, I once had a crush on a guy whose trademark scent was laundry detergent. What I didn’t know at the time is that he still lived with his mom who used a lot of fabric softener. Once I found out, the olfactory magic vanished as I tend to get on better with humans who are familiar with household appliances.
And don’t need female assistance to operate them.
I may have bumps on the front but that doesn’t translate into innate appliance knowledge.
In other words, you can’t co-opt the “all males are engineers” cliché and then pretend to be mystified by a washing machine or a vacuum cleaner.
While personal hygiene can go a long way toward making fellatio a mutually enjoyable experience, standards do vary.
So much that a partner once commented my sense of personal hygiene was “above average”, a remark that still foxes me to this day.
I have no idea why they thought this was a compliment; it sounded like gloating about their many sexual conquests instead.
Look, all human bodies are smelly.
Regardless of what personal hygiene standards we have, we can all go from fresh to funky in no time through no fault of our own.
Take stress, for example. Some of us respond to it by turning into stink bombs within a few minutes, no matter how efficacious our deodorant.
It doesn’t mean we don’t wash, it means we’re distraught.
In which case fellatio might be just the ticket to get us to relax in a playful way.
After all, resourcefulness doesn’t have to be strictly non-sexual: Fellatio may help defuse intense situations, relieve stress, and give the brain a boost.
If fellatio isn’t your thing and makes you gag, please let your partner know: You should never feel pressured into performing a sex act that puts you off.
Then again, ask yourself whether smegma might have anything to do with it.
Regardless of the above, fun happens when respective preferences align so effective communication is key before you drop trou and mouth meets penis.
Lest we forget, sex is a basic human physiological need common to all humans. As long as there’s consent and mutual desire, anything goes and why shouldn’t it?
How we go about interlocking body parts while in our birthday suits and whether we prefer these sexual interactions to be planned and sanitized or spontaneous and a little fragrant is contingent on personal preference and context.
The only thing that matters is that both parties enjoy themselves and each other.
I’m a French-American writer, journalist, and editor living out of a suitcase in transit between North America and Europe. To continue the conversation, follow the bird. For email and everything else, deets in bio.